1. Finding Flow in a Fast World

For too many years of my life, I felt like a salmon throwing myself upstream.

Struggle. Strive. Hustle.

That's how you get your dream, right?

Except all that was happening was exhaustion. I was mentally tired from trying so hard, and I still didn't seem to get the results I was looking for. I thought there had to be a better way. Then I heard about Jess Lively's class called Flow With Intention Online (on The Lively Show). Jess talked about flowing downstream -- not struggling UP -- and my intuition said YES.

That's what I want.

I'm ready to stop and reorient. No more upstream. Way more flowing down...

So I registered for the class. And things started to change!

2. On Chasing Dreams

The language we use when we talk about our dreams is so contrary. And fraught.

"Chase your dreams."

"Follow your dreams."

"Make your dreams come true."

I wondered, instead, if there was a way to let our dreams unfold naturally. To stop the thirsty wanting (which often just seemed like my ego jumping up and down and screaming that I need some of that, too!!!!!)

Flow is a way of looking at the world through a gentler, less fraught lens.

It's a way of letting your shoulders drop down from around your ears. (Take a big breath. There. Doesn't that feel better?)

Flow lets you see clearly what your dream might be.

Is it to live in joy?

To serve the world?

To shine your particular light out from your chest and be yourself, fully, truly, completely?

Yes.

We are all children, walking this planet together at this time. We are all filled with light and confused by our own darkness. We have hidden desires, dreams, hurtful habits, fears, envy, beauty and love inside us, smashed up like a smoothie.

We all do.

Flow helps us learn to focus on eyes (our minds) on what will be most helpful. Love, joy, energy, forgiveness, dreams, beauty, peace.

3. You Can't Start Any Younger

This seems so obvious.

I get it. It seems like the most obvious thing in the world: you can’t start any younger. You can only start where you are.

But do you believe it?

Have you given yourself permission to start where you are, right now? (Undisciplined or too tightly wound, overweight or too shy, uncaring or unmotivated or lazy or hurt or afraid…you, now. Have you said This is where I start from….?)

Flow encourages you to start now.

Start being you -- imperfectly you.

It would be nice to start smarter, younger, better connected, more experienced, more beautiful or after you have lost weight, but you can’t. You can only start now.

Now is exactly where all of us are. Think about it: every billionaire only has now. Like you. Every famous celebrity just has now. Every award-winner, every scholarship winner, anyone who has what you are trying to achieve, or what you want, or what you’re too afraid to even say that you want…all those people only have now.

This moment.

Here is the lesson of flow: you are doing okay right now. You are here, right now. You can start, right now. You can’t start any younger. But there is good news: you don’t have to effort your way forward or throw yourself up stream. All you need to do is say I begin now. Where I am. This is where I start.

4. You Get What You Think About

Before your mind closes, please wait and think.

Think back to your life before now. Did you (mostly) get what you were expecting?

When you expected disappointment in love, did you get disappointed? When you expected good things to happen, did you notice more good things happening?

There is a famous quote, attributed to many sources: Anais Nin, the Talmud, Emmanuel Kant and others…the origin is not clear even to scholars, but the idea is absolutely true: ‘We see things not as they are, but as we are.’ Proverbs in the Christian bible also has a version: ‘As a man thinketh, so is he.’

Most of us know that thousands thoughts pass through our mind every day. (Sources claim anywhere from 50,000 – 70,000 but it’s hard to find scientific data for this number – and I’m not a scientist or statistician). Let’s just agree – we have a LOT of thoughts, and most of them we’re not even conscious of having.

But if we start to listen to our conscious thought, we’ll hear a lot of negativity. What’s that old idea – if we talked to a friend the way we talk to ourselves, that person wouldn’t be a friend for long?

You'll learn so much about your thinking in Flow. There is so much to learn!

But here's where you'll start.

Negative thoughts attract negative thoughts and outcomes. Positive thoughts do the same.

If we want to have a different sort of life, we need to start with our thoughts.

Knowing this truth changes everything.

It's the basis of flow.

5. Find Joy

First, find joy.

This is 100% a principle that Jess Lively teaches. When you hear Jess teach on The Lively Show, she’ll call it alignment. What I learned to do in her online Flow course was notice when I was feeling rotten, and seek joy first. If you’re interested, Jess has a whole range of techniques she’ll teach you in Flow With Intention Online.

If you can make yourself happier before you tackle anything, you’ll achieve more, faster.

It’s ridiculously simple: we work better when we feel better.

So how can we feel joy?

You’ll find your own way, but for me one of the best ways is through music. I work from home as a novelist, blogger and copywriter, so I can easily put on a favourite song. (Headsets mean maybe you can, too, in the office or on the bus?) Another favourite for me is a quick walk outside. I never feel like doing this, but when I make myself do it, I can access joy. Or this: looking at pretty things. How green a leaf is, the shape of my favourite coffee mug, the smell of cinnamon in a spice container, how soft my dog’s ears are.

Unfortunately, it’s easy to seek joy in a lot of unhealthy ways. Should I list a few? Three glasses of merlot, a family sized bar of Cadbury’s chocolate, hours of Netflix, avoidance. Anything that is stopping you from feeling is not seeking joy.

It’s avoiding.

You might think that once you learn the principle of ‘Alignment before action,’ as Jess calls it, or finding joy first (as I think of it), you will always live this way because it works so much better.

Yes, it works better.

Nope, you will not remember and live this way.

Or I don’t, anyway. I have to remind myself of this lesson almost every day. I find myself feeling sort of crummy in a nebulous way, not wanting to work, not feeling inspired and then I remember (again): oh yeah, I’m not in alignment. I need to seek joy.

Notice the negative feelings.

Switch on joy.

Then start your work…and see how much better your results will be.

6. Fear

I struggle a lot with fear.

I would like to lie and seem all perfect and tell you I just sail around, doing my work with cheerful optimism because I’ve learned how to be in alignment and find joy first.

But no.

I travel with Fear, as if it’s an ugly stepsister that’s in my family forever.

Three people have helped me with this. One is Jess with her Flow class. The other two are writers.

Liz Gilbert (of Big Magic and Eat, Pray, Love fame) personifies her fear, like I do. She says that Fear goes along with her on every creative journey, but here's the secret: Liz drives.

“[Fear], you’re allowed to have a seat, and you're allowed to have a voice. But you are not allowed to have a vote. You're not allowed to touch the road maps, or suggest detours. You're not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you're not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.”

So that brings me to my second author, Susan Jeffers, who published Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway way back in 1987. (For all you writers out there, here's an interesting story: Jeffers said that so many publishers rejected the manuscript she almost gave up. One publisher even told her, “Lady Di could be cycling down the street naked giving this book away, and no one would read it.” Her book has been in print for over 20 years, sold in 100 countries and translated into 30 languages...)

Jeffers’ major lesson is this: whatever you're afraid of, you can handle it.

Pain, loss, death of people you love, public humiliation, failure, bankruptcy, embarrassment…ultimately, you can handle it.

I try to remember these two pieces of advice.

• Fear will be along for the ride (just don’t let it drive), AND
• Whatever we’re afraid will happen, we can handle it.

Oh -- and the lizard above? It's a Blue Tongue. Big and scary, but totally harmless.

7. Enough

Here's a true story for you! 

I left home and went to boarding school when I was just fifteen, and at my school, there were about 75 girls to one ‘housemistress’ who, at the time, was a 24 year old. She seemed ancient to me. Her boyfriend, who was around 30, gave her red angora mittens and diamond earrings for Christmas, I secretly thought she was a ‘kept woman’ by an older man.

I was soooo 15!

In our boarding house, we ran wild – or as wild as we could with one payphone per floor and a midnight curfew on weekends.

This little story is my way of saying that, morally, I think I kind of raised myself. And through all of that, I somehow fell short on figuring out my values. So I spent a few decades of my life bouncing around, doing what other people thought was ‘right.’ I felt that if I followed my own values I would make mistakes. Surely other people’s values were better for me?

I know, so silly.

The irony is that I made enormous mistakes anyway, and in the process, I never did two things:

1.     I never trusted myself

2.     I never thought that I was enough, just as I was.

Fast forward decades after high school, through a short starter marriage, immigration, infertility and then a beautiful baby who never slept, career change, financial challenges, you name it: I went through all of it – except health problems, thank God.

It’s taken me fifty years to figure out that – as I am, right now – I am enough. Everyone is. We don’t need to hustle. We don’t need to strive. We don’t need to fight our way upstream or self-promote or get complicated in how we strategise and act.

We are, actually, enough.

But we do need to sort out our values. Not what we want to do or make happen (our goals) but what gives us meaning and peace.

I value beauty. (usually nature, but also words and books and beautiful images)

I value celebrations. (helping others see there is something to celebrate, always)

I value rest and peace. (having enough sleep, feeling calm, talking with my family)

Marisa Peer, a top therapist in the UK that you might have heard on Jess Lively's podcast, says “If one person on the planet breathes easier because of you, you have meaning and purpose.”

Over to you...

You are also enough, as you are.

First, you must believe it. And then you need to answer this question:

What do you value?

8. Hello, Intuition

It’s time to get quiet.

Listen. It’s your Intuition telling you something.

How much pain could we save, wasted time could we save, if we only chose to listen to our Intuition?

For me, it’s the niggle in my gut. It’s sometimes the thing I don’t want to hear (“leave this relationship”) or the thing I do want to hear but it scares me (“start your novel” or “be an amateur and be okay with it” or “learn something new.”)

One of the interesting things Jess Lively teaches is to write to your intuition, which is a very simple practice and it’s here.

What I’ve learned is this: the soft/strong voice of my intuition is right every time.

So easy. All you have to do is ask.

9. How Is This Working In My Favour?

When bad things happen, this question will set you on track.

It's a question that my dear friend Kristen taught me to ask. (I met Kristen during Flow class in Feb 2017.)

How is this working in my favour?

It’s the single best way to face your feelings and not wallow in them if they’re negative. Instead, you look for what’s right and find a way out to a feeling of relief.

Let me tell you a quick story. When I was writing my last novel, I stumbled on another writer’s website that was perfect. Her audience were the readers I wanted for my book – teenage girls. She earned a two book deal before she even began writing. Her book launch looked exactly how I imagined my book launch would be.

I was jealous.

Then I had a chat with Kristen and other friends who are into flow living, and Kristen told me to ask, How is this working in my favour?

I remembered that jealousy and envy are amazing teachers. They tell us exactly what we’re hoping for in our own lives. They show us a vision of what we can accomplish, especially if someone else did it first. So I got quiet and I said Thank You to my jealousy and I gave it a hug and a kiss. I praised it for reminding me what I wanted. I took the feelings of jealousy and realised that yes, those feelings were working in my favour.

You know what? An hour later, I understood the key to my own novel. I suddenly understood how to pitch it to publishers, what it was truly about, why it mattered to me, why I was the best person to write this book.

Next time you face something in yourself – or in your circumstances – that you don’t like, ask your intuition the most important question: how is this working in my favour? Then let the answers flood in.

10. You Are Not For Everyone

It's a truth that took me 50 years to learn.

I am not for everyone. You are not for everyone.

We love who we love.

The truth is, we need to allow other people space. We need to give them permission to disagree with us, with our values, with our thinking.

Allow, allow, allow.

We are not here to give other people Life Lessons. We are here to live our lives with other people watching. They can take what they like; they can leave the rest.

We can do the same.

We can love people when they don't agree with us. We can love people when they don't love us back. We can be loving.

It saves so much heartache to remember that we are not for everyone.

Love who you love and find your tribe.

11. Reach For Relief

One of the best things I learned in Flow class was how to reach for relief when I feel terrible.

Here's how it works. 

Bad feelings always come from bad thoughts.

And we can choose to think better thoughts. We can always choose our thoughts – even if the circumstance is dire, even if we are oppressed. 

What we need to do is reach for relief.

"Reach for a better feeling thought," is what Jess Lively says.

Everything begins with what we choose to think.

Relief is always available. (And when it's just too hard to think better thoughts, take a cue from my puppy, Holly...you can always reset with sleep. Then start again...)

12. Why Try Flow?

What will learning about Flow give you?

1. Joy.

2. Relief. (You will stop throwing yourself upstream, like a salmon trying to spawn.)

3. Better results. (You will know yourself better. You will feel better. You will work with more purpose and produce more good work in the world.)

4. Your tribe. (A bit cringey, I know...that word "tribe", but I'm not sure how else to describe it.)

5. An understanding of WHY people (you??) don't necessarily get what they "deserve." Or why some seemingly undeserving people get such a great life.

6. A moral framework for parenting (that dovetails well with your spiritual faith, whatever your beliefs).

7. More fun.

8. Deep appreciation for yourself. Your gifts. Your contribution to the world. 

9. A way to live with half the pressure and twice the speed. 

10. Growth. Results.

13. Take Good Care of Yourself

We heard this Rob Bell quote for the very first time on The Lively Show.

It's one more great reason to live a life of Flow, not hustle.

We're ALL pretty good at taking care of other people, right? We're helpful to friends, some of us care for families or elderly parents etc. But do we take care of ourselves? Not always.

That's why investing in yourself is important.

'Happy wife, happy life,' some Aussies say (ironically!) but I think overall this is true. When you are living in joy, you have so much more to give to everyone around you -- whether you are in a romantic relationship or not.

Refill your tank to overflow.

Find a way to soothe yourself (not sedate yourself with food / drugs / alcohol / avoidance / social media / other...).

Understand the importance of joy in your life.

Live in Flow.

14. Happy, Thank You, More Please!

"Your light shines out of you."

That's what Jess said to me at a Sydney meet-up. It was a week or two before I started the Flow class. 

She's right; it's true; I want my light to shine out of me. I have one shot at this life and I am really truly ready to shine.

Please say you are, too.

I'm 50 in this photo and I have so much more living to do. Another 50 years if I'm lucky, imagine that! If I drew a line and put a dot on it, I'm only half way there.

I learned so much in Flow class, so much more than I've shared here. You will too.

What I hope you learn is the lesson of JOY, of happy thank you more, please!

Because I know -- whoever you are, wherever you are -- you have the light in you to SHINE.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

Big hugs,

Catherine xx

PS. Love you to sign up for my weekly blog (no crazy sales emails!) and when my novels come out, I'll let you know! I write juicy family suspense dramas about beautiful messed-up girls who are becoming remarkable women. Find me on Instagram @ catherinegreersydney