Today I want to talk about the stress of the guess.
A few weeks ago I had a beautiful lesson in seeing someone ask, and by asking upfront, my friend ensured that she would get what she needed.
Here's the story.
An American woman I know -- auburn hair, smart-as-a-whip, truly beautiful -- joined a video conference call. She was in the middle of a tough life event and simply asked for what she needed.
"What I need you to do," she said, "is give me some love and good vibes and distraction. I don't want to talk about xxx (what's going on in my life)."
For me, that was WOW.
We can ask for what we need upfront, and most of the time people are grateful to know how to support us. It's like handing someone a road map during a difficult situation: please, can you respond this way?
- I need to tell you something. I'm hoping you can give me some understanding and support.
- I have something to share and I want you to be happy for me.
Fear of rejection is the greatest human fear. Asking -- for some of us -- is incredibly hard. Like anything else (from push-ups to pirouettes) we get better with practise. If we ask for what we need, we make life so much easier for the people around us.
They don't have to guess.
We don't have to guess.
But we do have to be brave and ask. In every way, it's so much better than guessing. Asking makes us aware of what we need (sometimes we skip right over this step...); it requires us to trust that other people are essentially good and want to help.
Guessing grinds our gears and invites Worry in for a sleepover.
As Kristin Lohr from We Are Soul Sparks says, "Even if you're not ready, you're ready."
Have a beautiful weekend, everyone...filled with the courage to ask for exactly what you need from all the people you love.